If Countries Were TV Shows: A History Reimagined

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History is full of drama, unexpected plot twists, and shocking cliffhangers. Some nations had legendary first seasons, while others faced disastrous reboots. Here’s how history might look if some countries were TV franchises.

United Kingdom: A Long-Running Series With Many Spin-Offs

• The original hit (519 – 10th century): The Kingdom of Wessex, a solid medieval drama with loyal fans.
• The highly rated sequel (927 – 1300): The Kingdom of England, refining the formula and adding new storylines.
• The weird third movie they later retconned (1310-1649): England, Scotland, and Ireland thrown together in a messy crossover that nobody really wanted.
• The ambitious reboot (1649-1660): The Commonwealth of England—a bold but short-lived experiment.
• The controversial expanded universe (1661 – 1920): The British Empire, which dominated world screens but left behind mixed reviews.
• The modern era with a surprising spinoff (1920-1974): The United Kingdom featuring Ireland’s departure.
• The unexpected fanfiction that became real (1776): The independence of the United States.
• The shared cinematic universe (1973): The UK joins the European Union, but the later seasons saw major cast changes.

Germany: A Franchise With a Rocky History

• The classic original (1600 – 1795): A historical epic about the fragmented Holy Roman Empire.
• The well-received sequel (1871 – 1918): The German Empire, a more unified and powerful installment.
• The grimdark third film (1919 – 1939): The interwar period—gritty, full of economic struggle, and foreshadowing disaster.
• The catastrophic fourth film (1940 – 1945): The Nazis hijack the franchise and ruin it for everyone.
• The two competing TV spin-offs (1949 – 1989): West Germany and East Germany—one a political thriller, the other a grim dystopian drama.
• The planned reboot (1951 to the present): The Federal Republic of Germany, now back on track.

Poland: A Cult Classic With Wild Twists

• The critically acclaimed first season (960 – 992): Poland’s origins, featuring ambitious rulers and dynastic drama.
• The second season with a changed formula (1333 – 1370): A new dynasty, political intrigue, and expansion.
• The legendary third season with a surprise guest star (1371 – 1635): The Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth—a grand period of alliances and conflicts.
• Series canceled, assets sold to rival studios (1772 – 1773): Poland is partitioned and disappears from the map.
• The failed fan-made reboot (1807 – 1809): The Duchy of Warsaw, Napoleon’s spinoff that didn’t last long.
• Back by popular demand, explosive season finale (1922 – 1938): Poland returns, but things get intense quickly.
• The ongoing season with mixed reviews (1945 to the present): A return to independence with political changes and shifting storylines.

Persia/Iran: A Show That Keeps Getting Rebooted

Pilot Episode: The Median Empire—an early civilization laying the foundation.

• First Season: The Achaemenid Dynasty—massive, ambitious, and well-received.
• Meh Season: The Parthian Empire—some solid moments but not as exciting.
• Acclaimed Sequel: The Sasanian Empire—an era of great cultural and military achievements.
• Canceled by New Execs: The Umayyad Caliphate takes over.
• Indie Mini-Series: Samanid, Bavand, and other smaller dynasties.
• Foreign Reboot: The Seljuk Empire—bringing in a new cast and ideas.
• Disney Buys It: The Mongol Empire/Ilkhanate—big budget, but devastating effects.
• Michael Bay Reboot: The Safavids—epic battles, lots of explosions.
• TV-MA Canceled Content: The Afsharid Dynasty—brutal and short-lived.
• Ruined Original: The Qajar Dynasty—struggles with modernization.
• Spin-off: Modern Iran—continuing the story into new directions.

The Roman Empire: A Franchise With Too Many Sequels (and Spinoffs)

• The original blockbuster (27 BCE – 476 CE): The Roman Empire—expansive, influential, and full of legendary rulers.
• The direct sequel (476 – 1453): The Byzantine Empire—maintaining some elements but taking the story in a different direction.
• The sequel that nobody wanted (800 – 1806): The Holy Roman Empire—carrying the name but missing the essence.
• The one that ruined the original (1204 – 1261): The Latin Empire—a Western intervention that disrupted everything.
• The bad spinoff (1299 – 1922): The Ottoman Empire—taking inspiration but creating its own distinct story.
• The weird fanfiction (1721 – 1917): The Russian Empire—self-declared as the “Third Rome.”
• The short-lived prequel (550 BCE – 330 BCE): The Achaemenid Empire—an earlier version of empire-building in the region.
• Unrelated but shares the same canon (1501 – 1736): The New Persian Empire—echoing Rome’s ambition but with a new cast.