This post may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases.
Finland is a country of deep forests, deeper lakes, and the deepest social silences — but also of warm saunas, cutting-edge tech, and Nordic wit. It’s the land of reindeer crossings, endless summer days, and winter darkness so thick it could be bottled.
Now, imagine trying to split this fascinating nation into meaningful regions. Not just political or linguistic lines, but divisions based on warning signs, tree types, and how far the sun actually shows its face in December.
That’s exactly what a brilliant satirical map does. It turns the serious business of geography into a witty, visual journey through the Finnish psyche. Let’s take a walk through these eight whimsical — and surprisingly insightful — ways to split up Suomi.
State of Existence: Does It Even Exist?
To be honest, I didn’t get the point of the first map. My only assumption is that for Finns, there is only one country – Finland.
Conversational Style: Talk to Me, or… Don’t
Finnish communication is an art form. In the south and west, people are “brutally honest.” In the middle, you’re more likely to get “never a straight answer.” And in the northeast, people are “too busy to talk.” That tracks — small talk is not exactly Finland’s national pastime.
The Other Local Language: Pick Your Accent
This one’s a hoot. Beyond Finnish and Swedish, the map jokingly assigns regions other “local” languages:
God dag! (Swedish-speakers)
Привет! (Russian influence in the southeast)
Bures! (Northern Sámi greeting)
Prkl. (A classic Finnish curse word — equal parts frustration and identity)
A linguistic landscape that’s part UN, part ice hockey locker room.
Population Density: France or Siberia?
This one’s rooted in fact. The south (especially around Helsinki) is “as dense as France,” while the vast northern interior is “as dense as Siberia.” Finland is one of Europe’s most sparsely populated countries — unless you count reindeer.
Animals on Warning Signs: Moose vs. Reindeer
Forget crossing guards — here it’s about crossing herds. In the north, reindeer signs abound. In the south, it’s moose. Either way, Finnish roads are a wildlife roulette. Drive cautiously.
Number of Lakes: All of Them, or Just a Few More
Finland has over 188,000 lakes — and that’s just the official count. In the east, they’re everywhere. The south, according to the map, has “just a few thousand more.” Let’s just say there’s a reason it’s called the Land of a Thousand Lakes.
Finland is nearly 75% forested, making it one of Europe’s greenest countries by area.
Sun in the Winter: Where Did It Go?
The north is plunged into polar night, where the sun literally doesn’t rise for days. In the south? The sun technically rises, but it’s hiding behind clouds like an introvert at a party. Finland has perfected the art of surviving without daylight — with saunas, candles, and gallons of coffee.
And if you’re into these satirical takes on national stereotypes, you’ll love the Atlas of Prejudice by Yanko Tsvetkov — a cheeky collection of stereotype maps that walks the tightrope between truth and laughter. (Please note: this link leads to the Amazon website.)
