2-year old uttering first words: «Horse-shit piss-fucker!» In Northern Norway, swearing is generally more accepted than in the south. In one famous instance, calling a police officer a ‘fucking horse-cock’ will get you fined in the South, whereas in the North no eyebrows will be raised. 2nd largest city but largest unrecognized nation within Norway Bergen was the capital of Norway until the 14th century. Ever since they’ve been whining about breaking free from Norway to reestablish their old glory. City council ousted by seagulls, the new name of city unpronounceable to humans Seagulls-the Nazis of the air. They just take anything they like. Danish speakers who think they speak Norwegian The south coast dialects are closer to Danish than to standard Norwegian. They’ve been in denial about that since 1814. Entire village would be extremely stylish if it was still 1981 Moccasins, a mullet, and a leather vest: the Trondelag bunad. Fairytale town falling apart Actually there are no towns, but plenty of log houses rich in ancient woodcarving, alone in the woods, slowly collapsing. Bring a camera! Fishermen, fishwives and child laborers Everyone in the Nordland region work in the fisheries, starting at age 8. This was painfully true just one generation ago. Handlebar mustaches The Trondelag region has long prided itself on its outstanding waxed-lip-hair-per-capita ratio. The historic site of some epic skull-cracking The sagas mention lots of Viking age battles, but not always where they happened. So every little place that needs some tourism can say ‘It happened here!’. Leaky, old nuclear submarines and hellish giant monster crabs. Not a coincidence The Russians say it’s a coincidence. It’s obviously not. They also say it’s not their responsibility. Less impressive handlebar mustaches The Nordmore region is similar to Trondelag in most respects, except a slightly lower mustache density.
The local newspaper written by one man, read by five This happens more often than you’d think. The loneliest man in Norway (He prefers it that way) Rost, the outermost island of the Lofoten archipelago, is home to 500 people. They all live out of sight of each other. Norwegians kind of like being alone. Loud people A Bergen man on a bus is like an ink drop in a glass of water: He fills the whole thing. Lutefisk dumping ground The surplus lutefisk we can’t export to the US Midwest is dumped here.
The man staring out at sea, writing poem, raping sheep I’m sure this has happened at least once. Midnight sun. More tiresome than you think It’s literally pitch dark for six months, then the sun comes up and doesn’t set for another six months. That’s what midnight sun is. It’s exhausting for 12 months straight. Moonshine and black coffee only available beverage Ah, the traditional karsk, guaranteed to make you pass out from intoxication and still be awake to experience it. Never spent a dime The Sunnmore region is known for its initiative and entrepreneurship in over-the-top penny-pinching. Norway’s only actual border checkpoint The border with Russia is the only one manned by the Army. Because of jokes aside, you can actually trust the Swedes and the Finns.
Norwegians stolen by the Swedes in 1645 The counties of Jamtland and Harjedalen were stolen by the sneaky Swedes 370 years ago. And we want them back. (Since oil was found in the 1960s, they want to come back home, too.) An old man who refuses any meal without herring I know that man. He was my father’s uncle, an extremely skilled fisherman and not very skilled at much else. Owner of private island wishes private island had electricity, freshwater supply and not always a blizzard surrounding it Norway has 240,000 islands. They are not expensive. People who hate the people on the other side of the fjord This could apply to every fjord, really. But the three varieties of More & Romsdal people have taken it to the next level, delaying any regional infrastructure project by arguing for years over who gets it. Place where skiing was invented and never developed further The purist ‘Telemark’ style of skiing includes one pole, one ski and a series of somersaults mimicking the courtship ritual of the blackcock. (That is a large bird.) Place where troll once trolled Yes, I know trolls do not troll. Still, it happened once. Right here.
Reindeer herders with weird clothes That would be the indigenous Saami people. Their traditional clothing is really cool. And really weird. Sceptical to store-bought alcohol The North Trondelag region has no liquor stores. And it’s not because people don’t drink. Second largest tourist destination: A block of concrete actually made by the Nazis The Nazi occupation left our otherwise empty landscape dotted with mastodon concrete structures. We like to think that other people find them interesting. Soft-spoken but insane religious zealots You know when you meet people that are so warm and friendly you just instantly feel at home with them? And then you realize they actually believe people should be stoned to death for adultery of the mind? Yup. Still, speak Viking language The Sogn & Fjordane dialects are among the most incomprehensible to outsiders. It has lots of very hard and creaky sounds and special words for ripping out your enemies’ guts with no cutting involved. Still, speak goofy Version of Viking language The Gudbrandsdal dialects are also completely incomprehensible but in a goofy way. Like Goofy, the cartoon character. Subsidized reindeer herder wondering what southerners do with the reindeer they buy The government has vowed to ensure the survival of traditional nomad lifestyles. And also a logistical nightmare of a dog food supply for the rest of the population. Those guys who actually wear folk costumes Telemark is the cradle of the Norwegian folk costume, the bunad, handmade from hand dyed and handwoven wool. Some people pay US$ 6,000 for one. In which case it comes with the right to complain endlessly about those cheapskates who buy the machine made ones. Bunads are used once a year. Uninhabited since 1944 Finnmark, Norway’s largest county, was torched by the Germans as they fled the Red Army. It was sort of rebuilt in the 1950s. Yes, the government will actually pay you to live there.
I love this =) Thanks for the smile